How To Be Romantic
Based on The Five Languages of Love
Need some tips on how to be romantic?
Need some amazing romantic surprise ideas?
Being truly romantic is not something that you just "turn on" and "turn off" like a light switch. It exudes from who you are... Someone who loves their partner deeply and wants the best for them. Someone who wants to live life to its fullest while maintaining integrity, respect and consistency in who they are.
This might sound a bit unexpected for a page on how to be romantic and romantic suprise ideas, but what I'm really trying to get at is: "Little romantic gestures here and there won't make an ounce of difference to the quality of your relationship if, the rest of the time, you treat your partner in unloving, disrespectful ways.
“The most important thing you can do for your partner is to consistently demonstrate actions, words and values that are grounded in love.”
This is the singularly most important thing you can do in learning how to be romantic and to make your relationship amazing. The message is simple: Really love and respect your partner.
If you feel that you haven't been doing this, take a long, hard look at yourself and ask "Why not? What can I do differently?" There is no room for blame here. If you want your relationship to be fantastic, YOU need to make it so. And you can! Commit to change, then be consistent. Don't go overboard. Just work with your own attitudes.
THEN, as you feel that these are under control, start to venture into experimenting with some of the most important skills you can acquire on your "how to be romantic" pursuit. Work with them. Practice them. Allow these core romantic ideas to become a part of who you are. Once learnt, these can then be practiced right throughout your journey together as a couple!
Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, believes there to be five distint languages when it comes to communicating and comprehending love. These are Words of Wisdom, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, Quality Time and Physical Touch.
He explains that we each tend to have a primary language (and generally a secondary) that we're most atuned to. By being aware of what the five languages of love are, and particularly the predominant ones in our own life and in the lives of the ones we love, we are more effectively able to communicate our love in a way that will be gratefully received and understood.
Let's look at some of the foundational ideas on how to be romantic under each of the five languages of love categories:
Words of Affirmation
Using the words that you say to teach you how to be romantic:
“Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.”
~ Billy Sunday (1862-1935), American athlete & evangelist
Verbal appreciation is extremely powerful towards those who have Words of Affirmation as their primary love language. Some examples are:
Saying "I Love You"
In learning how to be romantic, you need to begin by learning how to express your feelings. There is nothing like hearing these three simple words said with heartfelt sincerity from the one you love. Practice saying this very regularly, and not just on a special occasion or when you're partner has done something particularly special for you. Major on giving of yourself unselfishly without expecting anything back!
Sometimes it is the simplest things that are forgotten or we unintentionally let slip. When was the last time you genuinely complimented your partner? Examples may include: "You really do look stunning today", "I think that tie really suits you", "You're such a wonderful mom", "That lasagna of yours is the world's best!
Conveying Your Appreciation
Perhaps you need to re-learn the art of conveying your appreication to your loved one. Whether it's for cooking meals or doing housework, fixing the fence or taking the kids to sport each weekend, being so thoughtful and supportive or even for supporting you when you're tired and crabby, there's always something to be thankful for! This is as easy as saying "Honey, thank-you so much for..." or perhaps "I want to let you know that I really appreciate..." Why not start exercising the appreciation muscle today!
Being Encouraging and Supportive
Actively listening to your partner's concerns or dilemmas, then responding with encouraging words and in a supportive and loving manner is particularly important for those whose love language is primarily Words of Affirmation. Choose to consciously and actively practice this foundational key of how to be romantic and loving today! Doing such simple things make your partner feel more loved, appreciated and valued.
The Out-Of-The-Blue Phone Call
When was the last time you called up your partner during the day for no reason other than to say "I love you"? Why not do it today!
Love Notes are simple little notes that just share a few words of how you feel to your special someone. Let your imagination run wild with what you could say. If you can picture your partner finding it and smiling from ear to ear, then your onto a winner.
While love notes vary hugely between couples, examples might include the simple "I love you honey [or pet name]" through to "Love those legs!" or "I'm the luckiest man alive to have you." Stay tuned for our article on heaps of love note ideas coming soon!
Romantic Cards or Letters
Receiving a romantic love letter or card from your partner can be one of those gifts that you cherish for the rest of your life. While obviously not something that you'd do every day, why not think about writing a letter that expresses how you feel about your love. You could perhaps reflect on some of the expereinces you've had together and special moments shared and how special these have been in your life. Being open and expressive with your feelings, while at the same time being totally genuine and sincere is the recipie for success here!
A way to get more in the habit of expressing your heartfelt feelings on paper is to begin with your partner's Birthday, Christmas and Anniversary cards. There is nothing that will impress the man or woman who has Words of Affirmation as their primary love language more than filling up their card with a personal message of love, instead of just signing "All my love, Ben xxx ooo" at the bottom. Certainly a winner in learning how to be romantic!
Stay tuned for an article coming soon on teaching you an easy formula to get you started and make writng your feelings down child's play!
Acts of Service
Using the things that you do to teach you how to be romantic:
Cooking A Surprise Dinner
If you usually cook, then why not make this dinner extra special: cook his/her favourite meal, use a nice tablecloth and napkins, place candles or a candelabra on the table with at least one flower or a small floral arrangement and use your best plates and cutlery.
If you hardly ever cook, then give it a go. It will definitely be appreciated, especially from an Acts of Service love language speaker! My advice: ask a friend (who does cook) what their recommendation would be for a simple romantic meal. Get hold of the recipie, buy the ingredients, read through it before you get started, and then follow what it says exactly! Examples of meals that are almost mistake-proof are spaghetti bolognase or a stir-fry. This shows that you've really put in time and thought in learning how to be romantic.
Breakfast In Bed
Choose the day of the week that suits you both best and make your partner breaky in bed, with his or her favourite breakfast. One of the classic romantic surprise ideas that will never be old-fashioned.
Whether it's that you wash your loved ones' car, take out the garbage when you generally don't or make the house extra clean and tidy, these things certainly don't go unnoticed by the partner of one who has Acts of Service as their primary love language.
Doing Thoughtful Things
For those who primarily speak this love language, it really is all about doing thoughtful things.
Take a little time to brainstorm other things that you can do that your partner would really appreiciate. For example, bringing in the laundry from the clothesline, picking them up from work on your day off, doing the grocery shopping? Each couple is unique. Just take a few minutes to think of 3 or 4 new ideas that would make your partner happy.
Hint: Think in terms of your partner's love language. Don't fall into the trap of doing something just because YOU would love to have done for YOU as it's very possible that you both have different love languages. Often people who have a partner who has Acts of Service as their primary love language really struggle to try to comprehend how doing something such as the dishes or cooking dinner could be more meaningful than a gift or a hug. It is not for us to question. Just love your partner for who they are and seek to woo them in their own language!
Using things you give to teach you how to be romantic:
Flowers are often one of the first things that come to mind when thinking of how to be romantic. Whether it be a beautiful bouquet of your partner's favourite flowers, a single stem (that still means there's a flower on the end, just in case you're not sure!) or a flower stolen from a garden round the corner, it is just as important how the flowers are given as the actual gift itself! This is also worth thinking about and preparing for.
You may have these waiting in a spot for your partner when they come home with a little card attached, have them delivered to their workplace, drop them into their workplace spontaneously yourself or hand them to him or her in person with a few special words that convey how you feel. Just a few options of how to be romantic with flowers. Watch out for more romantic surprise ideas with flowers coming soon!
Whether it's a ring, bracelet, necklace, earings, a matching set, or watch, jewellery is so often seen as a romantic gift. It's a good idea to get an idea in advance as to what sorts things your partner likes. Why not just "spontaneously" window shop in a jewellery store while out together sometime.
That Little Something You Know They Want
Using time spent together to teach you how to be romantic:
If your partner's primary love language is Quality Time, keep in mind that while gifts, words and doing kind things are lovely, these all pale into insignificance compared to your undivided and focused attention. When thinking about how to be romantic, this is not about just "being" in each other's company, it is about the quality of this time spent together.
Here are some key rules to commit to memory on how to be romantic and most effectively convey your love to a partner who most values Quality Time:
Turn Off The Mobile Phone
Engage In Conversation
Setting The Mood For Romance
Romantic Picnic Idea
Cheap Romantic Getaways
Using phyisical closeness to teach you how to be romantic:
If all your mind can think about is sex here, then you need to S-L-O-W down a bit! In learning how to be romantic, you need to realise that romance is about the subtleties of love, the surprises and the wooing... and actually nothing at all about trying to get someone in bed.
Learn and experience how romantic and loving just intentionally (and lovingly) touching your partner on the arm, the neck or the face can be. How romantic staring lovingly into their eyes can be and the emotion that this can awaken inside. And the romance of smiling together, of embracing and of kissing in adventurous and cute little ways:
Cute little romantic kisses on the eyelids, nose and mouth, soft little kisses on the mouth, kisses with building pressure, passionate kisses right through to butterfly kisses (where one's eyelids brush your partner's skin as you open and close the eyes)!
Make hugs a regular part of your day. Why not experiment a bit: big bear hugs, hugs which start with a little dance, playful hugs, sensual hugs, hugs where both people face the same direction and the person at the back hugs the person in front.
Even just touching your partner's hand or forearm in a genuinely caring and loving way as you engage him or her with your eyes can be very romantic. Touching your loved one on the side of the face, touching palm to palm and experimenting with depth of pressure: soft touch through to deeper.
Holding hands connects two people together and reasures each person (especially the person who primarily speaks this language of love) that the two of you are a team, even when going gets rough occasionally.
Particularly keep "the holding of hands" in mind when discussing an issue you both disagree about if your partner has Physical Touch as their primarly love language. Try it sometime... and don't let go hands, even when you want to. You'll be surprised what that element of physcial touch does to faction and bickering.
Massage can be anything from a hand or foot massage, head massage, shoulder or back massage through to a total body massage. Let me let you in on a secret of how to be romantic! If your partner enjoys massage, then why not plan a romantic evening just devoted to giving them a massage... a massage in which you expect nothing in return.
To prepare you may even want to borrow a book on massage from your local library and read up a little to become more familiar. Then, prepare the candles flickering, buy some essential massage oil that you think your partner would like and run them a bath with bubble bath at the temperature they like.
After their bath ask them to lie face down and massage their shoulders, back, head, hands, calves and feet. As you massage, communicate with them, giving them permission to tell you what they most like and how hard or soft they like the pressure. This is a great opportunity to learn more about your partner in the process!
Practicing these foundational "how to be romantic" guidelines and mastering them, especially in the primary and secondary love languages of your special love, will definitely not disappoint. When you arrive at that point where such romantic surprise ideas are not only physical actions but become part of who you are, then I say a hearty "Congratulations". At this point you know more about the richness of how to be romantic than so many!
Once you feel that these are second nature, feel free to add more romantic surprise ideas to your repertoire.
Return from How To Be Romantic to Romantic Ideas For Couples
Return from How To Be Romantic to The Relationship Coach Home Page